| Tuesday, November 29, 2005 |
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I did it!!!!! I spent 32 minutes on the eliptical last night. It definitely took patience and endurance. I find that I get bored easily, and I'm not enthused to read the closed captioning of CNN and the like while I'm going at it, so there needs to be some pretty good music playing overhead to keep me motivated. What was funny was a guy stood behind my machine waiting me out, thinking I would be done in five or ten minutes. He spurred me onto another 15 (that'll teach him), and the next time I saw him, he was on the other side of the club on a treadmill. Com'on...I'm not easily intimidated! THAT felt great! I did some leg resistance work, topped it off with the whirlpool, showered and went home. Today it's back for some water aerobics. I don't know what it is, but the holidays have made me want to make more progress than ever to prove that this change is more than a diet. I'm psyched.
I've made an appointment to chat with a collegue to help me unload some of what I've been carrying around emotionally, and I feel great about it. Life just keeps getting better and better.
...just a short note for the end of the day. Life is good. |
posted by heavenlydm @ 4:14 PM   |
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| Monday, November 28, 2005 |
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Me with my older brother
My younger sister and older brother
The holiday was good...way too short. I ate (and ate), but nothing like the past. I enjoyed breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack and dessert. When I weighed in on Saturday I was up 3/4 of a pound, but we'll see if that was real or not (time of the month blues). I walked two miles Thanksgiving eve, and a mile on Thanksgiving, and went to the gym on the Saturday after. I was delighted with another NSV. I've always enjoyed eliptical cross-training machines but have trouble with some of the models because of their jerky functioning. When I first started at the gym I could hardly get two minutes in on one of them. Saturday I ran for 10 minutes and walked for a mile on the track afterward. It felt great. The machines don't know it, but they're my new passion. I hope to build up to 15 minutes this week, and 20 to 30 by the end of the year. I'm really seeking out alternative workouts to avoid plateaus for as long as possible.
Everything else is the same...I'm back on plan and still trying to emotionally download since my Charlotte trip. A lot of stirring happened there and I continue trying to process for understanding. The trip is dealing with some things below the surface that needed to be touched. It seems that viewing old photos of my mom and her family, and me in younger years really brought home how miserable people were then (depression and post depression), and brought to light why certain thing were and are the way they are with my relatives. I need to do some restorative work in my family relationships and it's really heavy on my heart.
I came back to work today to discover a souvenir hat from disney from one of my co-workers. I finally got him to stop leaving sweets and things at my desk. For that I'm now the owner of a youth-size tinkerbell hat. I suppose that's progress.
Hi-ho, hi-ho... |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 2:02 PM |
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| Tuesday, November 22, 2005 |
| Holiday Countdown |
| You Should Learn Japanese | 
You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture.
From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko! |
All this holiday hype is making me crave fish! I’ve been eating salmon galore. I wish I lived near the shore where I could get fresh not frozen, like the old days in Boston. I loved going to the pier and getting fish caught that day, not to mention the price break. I miss the shore.
I feel like I’m just counting down the days, first to Thanksgiving, then to Christmas. There’s always pressure surrounding these holidays, but for me I’m going to feel some sense of accomplishment for getting through them with a loss, or minimally, being able to stay the same. I don’t have any holiday depression, no pressure to buy gifts or to show up here or there. I have no good or bad stories about drunken family members and abuse. I’m just trying to make it through to another year end with positive accomplishments.
My soul is a little weary with all the changes going on in my life and around me. It’s no specific thing, just all of them put together. I think it’s time to get a little more out on paper so I’m not feeling so full. This is one of those times I hate being the “go to” person. I want a break. Let someone else do it, be it, fix it, make it, break it, bring it…let me be. This may sound a little somber, but I’m actually in good spirits. It’s one of those times in life where you can be really good at setting boundaries, because if you don’t you’ll cave in, melt down, blow up. I don’t want to get lost in the midst of my self-discovery while loosing weight. I want to come out on top in ship-shape, and to do that I must stop people and things from dumping one more good one on me.
This brings me to that place of knowing I need God more than ever right now. I really need His perspective. I want wholeness. I want a healthy soul, free of fear, manipulation and control. I want to walk in love and be loving – demonstrating it before the world. I want to do and say, not just say. I want my yes to be yes and my no to be no. I want upright character, moral fortitude…to be a person of integrity. I want balance in all areas. Only God can help me get there, or else all my thinking will lead me to a “relative success” vs. the best thing for me. I don’t want to be a copy-cat of someone else…I want to be the best me.
LOL…I’m ready for something light now :@) |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 2:56 PM |
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| Monday, November 21, 2005 |
| The Monday Leading In... |
Charlotte was….nice in a very anti-climactic way. It’s a little like Atlanta except, as if it were possible, the people are even slower (service response and general aptitude), and most folks are transplants. With that being said, I suppose everybody couldn’t live in metro-Atlanta, so it’s good for them to be there. I visited relatives I hadn’t seen in five years. I didn’t expect anyone to notice all the work I’ve done on my body since I’m probably at the same weight I was when I saw them back then. It’s not so bad (looking the same vs. being bigger).
My aunt has Alzheimer’s and it scares everybody to death. My mom won’t talk about it and is afraid she’s going to have it, and my aunt’s kids are strained with how to take care of her. She’s living alone in a condo a half mile away from her son. I was saddened by the whole thing, but thought, for all that has been said about the disease (and her) that she’s doing pretty well in spite of things. It's very wierd watching my relatives grow older. It spoke to me even the more about getting healthy NOW so that I can be in good shape later.
The biggest highlight was being able to look through her old, family photo albums. She recognized most people (surprisingly). My daughter was able to find herself in it and therefore felt connected. Prior to this these people were “strangers” (in her words) and not appropriate to stay with…lol. This generation of the family has been quite estranged compared to the last, and as a result our kids don't feel connected. It's something else to put on the list to do something about. It was a great reunion.
I ate pretty well. I brought some NS stuff with me which was handy for being on the go. Saturday we ate at a soul food restaurant and I was able to get away with having a veggie platter (minus the lard, fatback, smoked hocks and anything else traditionally thrown in to add flavor). I treated myself to a falafel pita (love those…yum) and the worse thing I ate was a slice of pizza and a few fries I snuck off someone else’s plate. I got a workout in at the hotel’s fitness center, and did a little walking at the mall. Not bad.
This week I’m trying to have as much discipline as possible leading into Thursday. I’ve decided to give myself a day off then and just practice good choices/smaller portions. I think it’s going to be better to do it this way so I don’t have a deprivation reflex that’ll send me into a tailspin. We’ll be eating with friends. As a strategy I’m going to eat some salad and fruit in advance of going. This way I’m hoping to not be as hungry.
That’s pretty much it. Boy am I looking forward to another family visit this week, and a weekend full of football. In the words of Tiny Tim…God bless us, everyone. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 11:38 AM |
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| Friday, November 18, 2005 |
| 10 Laws of Losing Weight |
I read this and thought it worth posting. I’m not a fan of legalism, but these “laws” are practical…makes lots of sense. I’m off to have a long-needed relaxing weekend in Charlotte.
Fast, Effective: The 10 Laws of Losing Weight
By Dr. Matthew Anderson
Exclusive for eDiets
November 17, 2005
For my guarantee to apply you must practice all, I SAID ALL, of the Laws I am presenting. Notice I used the word “practice.” I did not say “try” or “sample.” Serious weight loss that is sustained is tough to accomplish -- unless -- you practice these Laws.
Practicing the principles will produce results and my experience is that everyone is capable of doing what is required and thus producing the desired results. How long it takes to get there is a very complex issue. Every one of us starts at a different point. But these Laws apply to ALL.
IMPORTANT!!! I have listed the Laws in order of importance, from the least important to the most important. For the best results, start at the bottom and work up. The average seeker of weight loss usually starts at the top and gives up because she/he has not attended to the deeper and more crucial issues. Build a strong foundation before you try to put in a window on the third floor.
THE 10 LAWS OF GUARANTEED WEIGHT LOSS
1. EXERCISE -- A minimum of 20 minutes of aerobic exercise to increase the heart rate three times per week. Talk to your doctor and start slowly. More exercise is OK as long as it is sensible and balanced.
2. EAT HEALTHY -- Have balanced meals, more fruits, vegetables and fish, less red meat and far less junk food. Vitamin supplements are OK if guided by a nutritionists or doctor.
3. EAT LESS -- Conscious eating always produces a significant decrease in food consumption. This can mean as much as 50- to 75-percent difference in some compulsive eaters.
NOTE: One's ability to consistently fulfill and practice Laws 1, 2 and 3 is dependent upon the practice of ALL 7 Laws below. Will power and denial are no substitutes. The ability to sustain the practice of the first three Laws is a direct result of practicing Laws 4 through 10.
4. SELF-EXPRESSION -- Being and doing your true self in action, words and thinking is essential. Say what you mean, do what is right for you and live a life that reflects your best talents and skills. This Law is highly dependent upon the practice of Laws 5 through 10.
5. SELF-ACCEPTANCE -- A willingness and ability to love and accept yourself as the imperfect and wonderful person that you are. Overcoming crippling self-hate and extreme self-judgment and replacing them with compassion and a realistic assessment of your true value. This Law is dependent upon the practice of Laws 7, 9 and 10.
6. MANAGE EMOTIONS -- The ability to identify, observe and productively focus and/or express your intense emotions. This Law is dependent upon the practice of Law 7.
7. HEAL EMOTIONS -- Identifying, experiencing and working through your emotional wounds so they no longer dominate your behavior, your relationships and your sense of self. This Law is dependent upon the practice of Laws 8, 9 and 10.
8. MANAGE THINKING -- The ability to identify, observe and productively focus your thought processes. Includes the awareness that most thinking is perceiving as opposed to knowing. This Law is dependent upon the practice of Law 9.
9. HEAL THINKING -- Identifying, experiencing and working through your mental wounds so that they no longer dominate your emotions, your perceptions, your relationships and your sense of self.
10. SPIRITUAL NURTURE AND DEVELOPMENT -- A willingness and ability to connect and relate to the Divine Source -- God -- Higher Power. An ability to allow that Source to guide your life and nurture your deepest needs. This Law affects all other Laws. Your ability to practice it effectively can be limited by issues either healed or avoided in Laws 7 and 9.
Question: Can you start with any Law and go from there to the others? Yes you can. In fact that’s what we all do. The most important point here is that you cannot eliminate a Law.
Question: Can you practice more than one Law at a time? Absolutely. We all do. You can diet and eat less while you are working on your spiritual development and healing your emotional wounds. One supports the other.
Question: How fast can I expect results? I don’t know. Sometimes some individuals lose weight quickly. Others need to grow spiritually or emotionally before the weight disappears. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 10:12 AM |
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| Wednesday, November 16, 2005 |
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A foot and a half!
I started June 27th, and since then I've lost 18 inches off my bod. I'm SO happy about it. Today I'm just taking this in. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow can take care of itself...but today I'm 18 inches smaller. Hot-diggity.
I spoke to my nursery director about incorporating fitness activities with the children I watch every weekend. In order for me to do it, I need more space and there seems to be some contention about it. I have favor for now, and the kids are really enjoying the time, so I'm not changing anything. It'll be a moot point once we hit warm weather again, because we have outdoor playing fields. What's funny to me is how great this is for me. I'm teaching them games I learned and played in my childhood and joining them when they play. I must crack up at least three or four times - belly laughing - and it's so gratifying. The thing about this is, I'm the only one doing it (we have six services/sessions a weekend) so when the kids come in at other times and want to play these "old school" or odd games I make up off the top of my head, they can't because nobody else knows how to run the games. This leads to lots of conflicts when the kids try to run it themselves, and is a recipe for disaster. I suppose I'll be forced to think big picture a lot sooner.
This lead to a conversation about me becoming a nursery director. I was shocked about it because normally people are promoted to supervise shifts, but they're asking me about overall oversight. I absolutely love working with the kids, and also like coaching and mentoring, but one more responsibility isn't going to cut it for me right now. I'm passionate about doing a few things in excellent over doing many in mediocrity, and I gave up youth ministry so I could focus on serving in the inner-healing ministy. I don't have anyone to protect my time and interests (like a spouse would), so I have to look out for myself, and having gone through burnout before, I don't want to be there again. If anything, the answer is "not now."
In the meantime, I suppose I'll be working on getting this vision (fitness ministry) mapped out on paper. One more thing to do... |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 1:45 PM |
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| Tuesday, November 15, 2005 |
| Entitlement |
Hoorah…the plateau is broken! I really can’t verbalize the relief and sense of accomplishment (for enduring) that I have for getting past it. Three weeks is a long time to me, but I read that someone on the BB had been in a plateau for six months. SIX MONTHS! Dear God!
That had me thinking about entitlement. I feel like I’m entitled to weight loss when I follow the plan, make sacrifices and deny my comfort and flawed behavior patterns. For goodness sakes, I’m in the gym several times a week, exercising body, mind and discipline. I’m making the proper food choices. It’s a personal offense to me that my body would want to hold onto a few lbs (trying to prove it’s in control), but whoever said this would be about fairness and getting out of it what I put in. Well…I win! I’m not entitled to it, but persevered and earned it.
It’s that same entitlement mentality that got me here in the first place. Because I felt entitled to eat my 10-14 fried wing dings, three slices of pan pizza, soda, ice cream, candy… whatever I wanted, for whatever reason, whenever wanted…for that I gained weight. I wasn’t entitled to those things either. I’m not entitled to them now. I must count the cost at all times.
The cost of loosing 177lbs is having to go through these blasted plateaus, ride the emotional rollercoaster, stick to the disciplines regardless of my perception of progress at the time, put in my hours at the gym and remember the goal and why I’m doing it. Every day I’m counting the cost. At every meal I’m counting the cost. Every time I work out I’m counting the cost. It’s expensive, but I’m worth it! |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 3:24 PM |
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| Thursday, November 10, 2005 |
| Little Jeans |
I’ve got my “little jeans” on and I feel great. Granted, they do stretch…but when I looked at them while ironing I thought to myself – I can’t believe I’m fitting these!
We’ve had wonderful, balmy weather in GA for the past few weeks. I was glad to be able to turn the heat off. This is one trade-off that pays leaving coastal New England – that and not having to shovel! We’re still encountering fall foliage so everything is looking beautiful. I’m really slipping because I can’t bring myself to rake my lawn with all the beautiful, colorful leaves on the ground. I could just be lazy…lol.
My legs have been very fatigued since I moved up to four workouts a week. I asked my “have a cheat meal” instructor about it and she said I may not be getting enough rest in-between. This one is hard to take during a plateau because I want to do all I can to break through. Yesterday I struggled with the idea of resting all day, but finally went home and watched my favorite show (LOST). I'm planning on doing a week with NS foods just to make sure I'm following the plan and walking in discipline.
I’ve noticed something in my weight loss journey. Part of the baggage of the weight was bad posture, sometimes walking with my head down (studying carpet…lol) and avoiding eye contact with the opposite sex (mostly men I find attractive). I’ve been conscious of the “head down” thing and have worked on it already so I’m feeling that’s one battle won, but I became really aware of the avoidance thing yesterday while approaching the grocery store.
I got out of my car and by the way I was walking (in some little jeans :) you’d have thought I had a string pulling me up by the head like a puppet. I felt two inches taller. I’ve noticed that my walk and swagger have changed in loosing 45 lbs…just a little more confident. As I approached I saw a man (who I found very attractive) at the entrance engaged in casual conversation with one of the workers. When previously I would have made minimal eye contact, yesterday I stared a hole in the back of his head and showed him my pearly off-whites (lol). He did a double-take, which was real nice. I kept walking in and realized what happened (that I didn’t turn away), and thought about it.
I’ve been walking in the stigma of being overweight for so long, avoiding eyes and stares because of all the years of negative comments and rejection , but yesterday I realized that I’m coming out. No more retreating, less discomfort with stares because I feel more attractive now. I’m happier with me. I’m not perceiving every look as negative or judgmental anymore. I’m worthy of attention and can hold a good glare of my own without feeling self-conscious. What will I be like when I hit the 100lb loss??? That scares me, but is a concern for another day. Until then I will enjoy becoming a new vision of me. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 9:00 AM |
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| Tuesday, November 08, 2005 |
| STUCK!!! |
Stuck again – no loss of poundage, but I’m not stressing. I’ve got on my loose fitting blouse and slacks that are screaming THIS CHUBBY CHICK IS LOOSING WEIGHT – WE’RE GONNA HAVE TO FIND A NEW HOME SOON! I was in the pool running yesterday thinking – wow my heart and body must be happy they’re getting a workout…all that blood flowing and oxygen circulating. It’s kewl - I’m hanging.
I was very active last weekend and made an intentional change to my nursery classrooms. I'm now engaging the kids with physical activity ("extreme" simon says where I take them through calisthenics and a mini-aerobic workout without them knowing it; tag, football, jump rope) and incorporating it into our regular classroom time. I had a blast and surprisingly had great endurance for the hours I put in. It was more fun for me (having my little secret) than for them. I've been thinking about trying to get a fitness ministry going for a while and maybe this is the catalyst.
While reflecting on the weekend I was struck by the thought of a person’s sphere of influence. We have the power to influence people - positively or negatively. While working with the kids I’m always thinking about how I can do something with them or say something that could change their current paradigm and launch them to new heights of potential. One word, one phrase, one smile, one hug, one acknowledgment or affirmation, one gift or act of kindness could make a difference. I think for some of us more of these things would have made the difference in whether or not we’d be overweight and/or insecure. If we could see how much power we possess and harness it – utilizing it to the fullest – what a difference it would make in so many lives. Sometimes we can be so selfish – I’m as guilty as the rest – not capitalizing on opportunities presented to us every day to make a deposit into someone for the future. Does there always need to be something in it for me??? Sometimes omission is just as bad or worse than saying something negative. Value others.
For me, today I’m appreciating the many people who poured into my life. My sixth grade teacher who communicated through the millstone of a chip on my shoulder, the lawyer who encouraged me to go to college and to be a great parent, a friend who saw my spiritual potential and urged me forward…they saw me and gave me silver boxes of inspiration. I still remember them and their impact, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today had they not invested in me. I’m so grateful.
I’m making it a part of my daily prayer, asking God to make me sensitive to the opportunities around me to be a life-changing influence. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 4:01 PM |
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| Friday, November 04, 2005 |
| Grateful thoughts |
…Just sitting, thinking about a few things I’m grateful for:
God and having a relationship with Him through Jesus Christ – without Him I’m nothing. I love the Body of Christ, my wonderful pastors and church family.
Life itself and having use of all my faculties. Among all God’s creation in the earth we’re at the top of the chain. What a gift. We’re soul, spirit and body – simple and complex, weak and powerful…an incredible work.
My daughter. She’s one in a million and is one of the brightest parts of my life. In adulthood, we have a great friendship. I can’t imagine life without her.
My family. We’re quirky, but we belong to each other (. I especially appreciate the laughter in our home when I grew up, and my parent’s deliberate effort to expose us to diverse experiences (food, culture, travel, etc.). I love having sisters and brothers, and being a middle child (in the words of Jan Brady…Marsha, Marsha, MARSHA!!!).
I appreciate being born in America – God bless America!!! I was born in a small town. I got to roam the streets with my little, red, radio flyer wagon returning coke bottles (glass – the “real thing”). I can remember being four and five and walking around our neighborhood without a worry or care. I played outside all day long, and didn’t come in until the sun went down.
Favorite things to do: play marbles, rolled my die cast metal hot wheels cars through the dirt (can you say “Tomboy?”), tag, hide and seek, double dutch, climbed fences and trees, jumped fences and fell on my face (ouch! Dad removed glass from my face for over an hour and put mecuricrome all over – later deemed unsafe because of its mercury content), barbie and ken (before metrosexual was even a term!), super-elastic bubble plastic, metal jax, slip and slide, homemade boomerangs, big wheels, tobogganing, bicycle built for two, football, softball, walking by Jack in the Box and Texas Weenies (hot dog stand) and smelling their awesome sauerkraut and special sauces (smelled like funky armpits), and last but not least…walking to “The Italian Lady’s” for penny candy.
I’m grateful for all the necessities – food, clothing, housing, employment…things we all take for granted that others don’t have here and abroad. Thank God we’re not in a war-torn country (physically anyway), or crushed by poverty and famine as in the third world.
I appreciate my friends – all who I hope know how important they are to me and how much I love them. It’s heartbreaking when something happens to family or friends and you end up at their funeral giving them flowers. I believe people should get their flowers (appreciation and affirmation) when they’re alive.
I appreciate the opportunities I’ve had as well as the struggles I’ve gone through, beginnings and endings. Each played a role in who I am. I thank God for every person He placed in my life to color my landscape – whether positive or negative it’s all good in the end. On that note let me mention that I forgot I had an ex-husband (story for a different day). That, to me, was really positive…lol…it just never happened ROFL!
I’m thankful to be employed. I’ve lost jobs before and lived on my last dollar not knowing where the next was coming from. I saw the miraculous – checks in the mail from folks who knew nothing about my situation, people showing up at my front door with money or groceries. God really blessed and I was unashamed to receive the help. I don’t take for granted that employment isn’t an entitlement, but also know it is God who is my employer and provider (and He’s proven Himself).
I appreciate rainy days and sunny ones. They balance each other.
I’m glad to live in a democracy. I’m grateful for those who serve in the public sector, especially the military.
Thank God for lobster, shrimp, chicken wings and asparagus (yum).
I love seeing people perform at their highest level of potential, whether it’s athletes, musicians - whoever.
I appreciate the sound of alto saxophone and any stringed instrument (let’s not have the harp or ukulele please). If I were an instrument, I think I’d be a sax or violin/viola.
I’m grateful for second, third and 97,000 second chances.
Thank God for people who smile all the time. They remind us that there are good things in life.
I’m grateful for NS friends who faithfully encourage one another daily.
Finally, in today’s stream of thoughts…thank God for NS. I’ve made plenty of other attempts at loosing weight, but this is the first with a lifestyle change that I feel I can live with.
NSV for the day: someone stopped in my office today and said “we were just talking about you today and how good you’re looking. You’re a different woman. You’re looking good!” I was grateful for that too :)
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| posted by heavenlydm @ 3:15 PM |
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| Thursday, November 03, 2005 |
| Restless in GA |
I’ve been sick this week and not very motivated to journal. This is the second attack on my body in as many weeks, and it sucks (I’m fatigued and achy). Last weekend I worked in a room full of three year olds at church in the nursery, and every one of them had a runny nose. Tis’ the season I suppose.
I have not logged in an official weight since the gain, but I did recover those pounds and am back at 282 – though the scale wants to wander between 282 and 284. I had to do a Bob weigh in and get off and on the scale three times to get the average (I chuckled). I’m just happy to be back where I was. I think I may need to go down to 1200 calories for a week or two because I foresee a plateau coming. I’ve hovered around the same weight for the last week, though I have altered my water intake. The cool weather is a great host for tall cups of tea and I have to consciously remember to drink all my water. On the flip side, I’ve been adding extra activity, whether walking or jogging in the pool – something’s gotta give.
Last night I stood in front of the mirror to admire all of my hard work (. I can see more definition in my shoulders and the tops of my arms, I can make my chest move/jump (no comment…lol), I can see where my upper body is shrinking (who would have thought buying new bras and undies would be so much fun???), I have a waist on the horizon, my neck is more pronounced – lots and lots of changes. I liked the changes – liked me. It was great.
I bought a fitness dvd (The Firm for legs, hips and abs) and hope to start using it soon. I previewed it the other day and just sat and watched it. LOL…that was sad (watching the dvd vs. doing the workout) – some of the things they were doing were astounding at the rate they were doing it at, but I’m determined to moderately participate and work my way up. Now I at least know what they’re doing. I’m still chuckling thinking about it, reminiscing about the old days and how I’d rent fitness videos, sit down with a snack and watch them. Hillarious!
All else in my world continues to spin and churn. My restlessness makes it difficult to focus on the tasks at hand – it’s just one of those seasons. I press toward my destiny and look forward to being on the other side (of this time and my current challenges), reflecting on how much this helped me grow and the potential to impact the lives of others. It’s all good.
Looking forward to the weekend… |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 8:56 AM |
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