| Friday, April 28, 2006 |
| Whatever Way It Comes |
The scale hasn't moved for a couple weeks since dropping the monthly water weight, and rather than get all twisted about it I decided to measure myself. Boy am I pleased. In the last month alone I have dropped a size, so I know things are happening. In addition, I have pulled back a little from my twice a day workouts to avoid overuse and injury, so I expected to have a little adjustment period. Anywho, here's how things have changed since last July:
Waist: -12 inches
Breast: -11 inches
Hips: -6.5 inches
Thighs: -5 inches
Calves: -2.5 inches
Arms: -3.5 inches
Neck: -2.5 inches
Wrist: -1.25 inches
Holy wow Batman...I've lost 44.5 inches! This month alone I lost a half inch to an inch in most places. I'll take a loss whatever way it comes, and this week it's in inches. |
posted by heavenlydm @ 8:04 AM   |
|
|
|
| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 |
| Changing Times |
Who likes change? Raise your hand. Anyone?
I've discovered that as difficult as it has been for me to handle my own changes, others around me say they they love the way I look, but I'm sure they're finding it difficult to accept that there's a new internal me as well. I mean jeesh...I don't need food to process my emotions or to mask what I'm feeling anymore. Things are out there, and because I'm not communicating through food anymore my feelings, opinions and responses are a bit more immediate and decisive. That's not so nice when it conflicts with my former way of relating and dealing. That calls for other people to change (their expectations), and that has to be negotiated. Folks really don't have a clue what's going on, and that requires great patience on the part of we loosers. I think we have to go the extra mile to keep the bridges running between "us" and "them" because we're the ones going through this and only we can articulate what's going on. It seems funny, but we're a bit like the 12-step community...the insiders have the inside track on the changes, emotions and snags of a looser's life and nobody else appropriately understands what it's like to be us but one of our own. It's like surviving a trauma or recovering from addiction...we have that rollercoaster of emotions, pain, trial, sorrow, sacrifice, overcoming and victory in common.
I've just been more acutely aware of how much my personality has changed...all my reasons for doing what I do are driven from a different place - a healthy place. Each day the point is reasserted: I have nothing to prove. Pleasing others is not the priority. Will others let me be me? Will they make space and allowances for me to change? Are they truly interested in me and my wholeness or is it really about them and how I can be better suited for them? I'm not angry or frustrated about this...just a little disappointed when I see how some liked it better when I was a lot less healthy. Interesting.
....................................................................................
Yesterday while at the gas station I was sprawled on all fours, butt in the air, trying to change a fuse in my car. I wondered how long it would take for someone to walk by and offer assistance. When they finally did here's how it went.
Setting: 8:45pm at a local gas station/mini-mart next to several low income apartment complexes in a "transitional" neighborhood.
Young man: Hey, you need help or something?
Me: Well, I'm trying to change a fuse and I'm not able to find it the way it's mapped on this paper.
Young man: Oh. You single?
Me: (laughing) I've got to figure out this fuse thing (thinking...you've got to be kidding me - and...halllllo....didn't you just ask me if I needed help? remember that?)
Young man: So, you single?
Me: (still laughing)
A few days ago at the gym...I'm at the gym in the whirlpool. It's as hot as I can ever remember - steam coming off the water - making the whole area a bit sultry for someone who's mind may wander off to provocative places. There's this guy I've avoided talking to for the last six months - only spoken with him twice at which time he made the inquiries (do you have a boyfriend, etc.). Well, I guess it was his time to inquire again. My heart was really to be kind and gracious...something I'm working on in every day life. For 15 minutes I listened to him tell me how he's what old school folks call a "seer." My eyebrows went up in the air...and I said - "seer...what do you mean (I know the term, I just wondered how he was using it)." He told me how he has the ability to see into people's hearts, and he likes to talk with folks and make deposits in them, leaving them with something more (direction, wisdom, clarity, hope) than they had before. Had he not had a lust problem he might have had a little more credibility with me. Five minutes before I had to listen to how much he loves full body massages, especially when they massage his butt (yes, I was thinking...this guy's a freak). Blah, blah, blah...I"m 59, retired principal working as a teacher so I can earn a second pension, blah, blah, blah (his credentials,
flah-flah-flah).
Well, I get to the point when I'm leaving the wet area - I'm done wiping the
sweat from my eyes and look like a soaked poodle - there's nothing sexy about this scene...lol - everybody's looking whipped due to the high temps. Because he's "macking" harder than usual I know what's next and I'm wondering how he's going to approach it. He lays it on (you have a beautiful smile, blah, blah, blah)...I'd like to get together over salads, I'd love to talk more with you. I thought...now I've never heard that one before. Coffee, yes. Salad?
Original. LOL. I'm wondering this whole time why this guy can't have a
normal conversation with me like he does with all the other people. He's
never talked about the Lord, only upon my initiation, and we only went there
this time because I brought Him up. Ughhh - now I'm thinking he's altered
his game to suit me. He then goes on to say he doesn't think God wants me
to do this whole "fitness thing" but wants me to talk to people (like this
freak???? Can I translate that into meaning I've worked my way to the right
size for him now?). My "pat" responses to his whole conversation
were..."that's interesting." And, hmmmm. So I told him we'll see, to which
he responded that he's already seen it (seeing as he's a seer...lol). You
think he's seen me NOT going out for salad?
Did I really loose 80 lbs to put up with this crap??? It was amusing at first, but not on the regular. (Affirming myself...I am not a looser magnet, I am not a looser magnet...LOL). |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 3:34 PM |
|
|
|
| Thursday, April 20, 2006 |
| Metamorphasis |
It's strange to me how much a body can change from one month to another, one week to another. I just posted about my new love for my legs the other day, and upon last examination someone hijacked those lovely ladies and left me with a jiggly set of loaners. That's so funny to me that it - I actually grieved over the loss. I realized that my body will be ever changing over the next year or so as I continue to take the weight off and shape up, and then snapped out of it. If nothing else, I had a preview of what's to come. You'd think our bodies would tire from all the shifting.
Oh lustrious legs...I command thee to rest in your longest, leanest state...finely cut and chiseled, not to mention the cheeks to look down on you and smile. Gluteus...all I've got to say is...conform. Get with it. You're always on the move, but these days it's all about discipline. No more of the shakes, getting all out of control. I've never been one to use restraints on you, except for special occasions, so respect that. And since I'm talking to my body, boobies...figure out what you're going to do as well. I give you permission to be perky like you once were (PERK UP!!!). Afterall, I'm not working those pecs for nothing. And triceps, you need to fall in with the rest and follow suit with the plan. I am giving you lots of attention, so you shouldn't feel neglected at all. Snap out of it (the fat, nun's arms coma) and stand at attention. Biceps, you're doing a great job in this renovation. Shoulders, you become more beautiful with each passing day, and thanks for letting me see those collar bones I've been missing for so many years. Oh traps and lats, you're coming right along. Keep up the good work. Now body beautiful, I love you. In the words of Jerry Maguire please, help me - help you. (With all the passion in me...) Help me - help you!
Oh yeah...if you're dying for some inspiration, check out Tressa's progress pics. Daaaaaaaaaang! That girl has done something awesome with herself.
I've knocked off the menstrual weight I usually retain and am cooking with gas. My body has stopped it's carb-craving frenzy, and things are under control. It's funny how much of a rollercoaster ride the journey is from week to week, day to day. I'm all nice and fatigued from my strength class last night and hours of volleyball, but I feel great. I'm looking forward to the weekend. I've got plenty to do these days with planning my daughter's 21st birthday party (sniff-sniff, the baby's all grown up), so I'll be running around trying to get all my ducks in a row. Such is my life. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 8:31 AM |
|
|
|
| Monday, April 17, 2006 |
| Surviving Easter |
I did it! I survived Easter with not so much as one piece of candy, chocolate, or gratuitous carb. Okay, truth be told, I did eat biscotti, but stayed well within the confines of the plan. That felt great. Somehow yesterday was the same as every other Sunday, minus the unconventional resurrection day drama at church. The thing that struck me is how the bible stands up to the test of time, and confirms itself over and over every day. Sometimes when I read it I'm in awe of how relevant it is - how my life is in it. Amazing. In my current reality I journaled quite a bit as I'm acutely aware of how much the weight loss and associated periffery are very much changing who I am and how I interract with the world, and I want to stay in touch with myself.
I bought a couple of nice, springy capris on Saturday, and I'm still having the problem of not being able to tell by eyesight what I can fit and what I can't. My mind needs to catch up with my body. I'm still happily shrinking. No loss to report this week as I'm in the crazy recovery time - post "hell week." We'll see how things shake out. I hope to be very aggressive with being 100% and working out wisely. Last week was another hard week on the feet, so I took a few nights off to recouperate. This week I'll be back in form.
A pure NSV...a woman who had her stomach stapled more than a year ago stopped me in the hall at church yesterday, grabbed my cheeks and expressed her awe. She hasn't seen me in a while and noticed my form fitting clothes and new look. I didn't want to give her the same plastic acknowledgement I've been known for in the past with others, especially since she's an "insider." She was wildly curious about how I've been able to accomplish so much and I told her. She was impressed, and so was I! That was funny - to appreciate the progress with her help. Somehow her feedback held more weight (no pun intended), and our weight-loss sisterhood brought us together to celebrate. Neat.
It's spring, beautiful spring, and I'm loving it. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 1:53 PM |
|
|
|
| Friday, April 14, 2006 |
| Kicked out of the 100+lbs to Lose Club |
| I sort of slept through a milestone - as of my last weigh-in I was kicked out of the more than 100lbs to loose club. However, I have not decreased from 1500 to 1200 cals. I think for now, where I'm quite active, I'll stay at the same rate unless I hit another plateau. That helps me focus as I go into this weekend with the intention to avoid as much feasting as possible. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 1:29 PM |
|
|
|
| Monday, April 10, 2006 |
| Minus Three More! |
The scale tipped in my favor this week with a loss of three pounds. I'm very happy with that considering it's hell week and all. I decided to challenge myself with a little variety in my workouts - I wasn't in the mood for the usual - so instead I picked up a few classes.
The first was a cardio "funk" class where we did a bunch of pelvic thrusts, hopping, skipping and jumping...lol. The teacher kept yelling - put a little more butt into it...com'on...lemme see som'or bootayyy. I had lots of fun and know that I at least burned the equivalent number of calories. It was a sweat shop for sure. When I went to bed that night I felt like I'd done one of my weight lifting classes for some reason. All in all, no considerable fall out.
The second class I tried was yoga. I didn't make it that long before putting my shoes back on and leaving. I wasn't quite with harnassing all the negative energy into a ball over my head, pulling it down and burying it in the earth. I'll pass.
The third class was "power yoga"...I'm not sure what the difference is (minus "channelling" obviously), but I stayed for most of the class. At one point I became a spectator and watched in amazement as the people around me transitioned into the different poses without a glitch. It was quite an amusing feat to try and twist my legs around themselves and thrown them behind my head at any given time. It was a those times that I had warm flashbacks from my childhood when doing those things was very possible, and we got much enjoyment out of it.
Outside my gym life I ran around with my daughter this weekend taking some pictures to help chronicle her weight loss. She's lost just under 100lbs and I'm WAY proud of her. Anywho, while driving along I snapped a picture of The Big Chicken with its moving eye and beak, which is one of the most unusual but widely known landmarks in this area. If you need directions somewhere, you're almost guaranteed to hear a reference to "The Big Chicken." Oddly enough, I've been here six years and have never been in it. I plan to stop by to purchas a magnet to add to my collection, all while avoiding the KFC menu, etc.
The only thing I've seen that's more hokier is a landmark in the southeast known as"South of the Border." Folks that are familiar with interstate 95 know that you can't travel on the southeast coast without seeing the signs from...200 miles out and counting down from there. You just keep seeing these billboard announcements for "South of the Border...only 100 miles to go" and you get all worked up for an adventure. When you're finally there you're in the middle of nowhere - as in the Bates Motel or a scene from the "DuskTill Dawn" vampire movie. It's literally a truck stop with a motel, a couple of restaurants, shops and attractions for the kiddies. There are some good things about this...if you don't get killed you can eat one of the best tamales you've ever tasted and, because you're in South Carolina you can purchase fireworks.
People were offended by the south of the border schenanigans in recent years, due to implying Pedro the mascot is illiterate - an example from their website: "Bring along the whole family for fun at Pedroland Park! Pedro has sometheeng for every juan, from ferris wheels to miniature golf."
So much for hokiness and memory lane. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 1:49 PM |
|
|
|
| Wednesday, April 05, 2006 |
| A Day in the Life of a Gym Whore |
5:45am -
I awaken to the ding-dongs of my cell phone alarm, which is somehow a lot less offensive than every other alarm clock I've ever heard. I roll over and find my favorite slippers - I've got two pair that have arch supports built in that I found in Walmart, so the early morning rips and tears that accompany plantar faciitis do not plague me. Off to the restroom (ever wondered why it's been given this name when oftentimes there is quite a bit of wrestling going on to get our business done???). There I multi-task and either write down last night's dream, or open my bible for my daily devotional ("quiet time" - food for the spirit). I'm an avid believer in the notion that God speaks to people in dreams, having had experiences in the past where I was "prepared" for things to come, things were confirmed, and some dreams actually played themselves out in real life. My typical quiet time includes prayer, where I usually find myself offering up repentance for the notion of the whole "fitness thing" being a false idol in my life.
7am to 10:45am
Off to work! I arrive around seven and properly prepare my breakfast which is some assemblance of meat, egg beaters, a crumpet and piece of fruit, or a yogurt parfait. On an "off day" I'll have a South Beach Diet breakfast burrito (watch that sodium!). My day is basically spent dealing with the ins and outs of office management, customer service, and employee relations for the largest residential window cleaning business in the southeast U.S. In-between all this I'm checking out the lives of fellow bloggers, getting the latest diet and fitness info online, and looking to see what information or resources I can plug into my own life to make this journey a succes.
11am to 12:15pm
I'm usually excited about getting to the gym at lunch time, the gym whore I am, so I can burn up some calories. If I can get there early enough to get the elliptical machine I like, I use the cross-training setting which toggles through inclines that focus in on your glutes, quads, hamstrings and calves at different intervals. I work at a moderate resistance setting and am usually able to burn about 300-400 calories in 20-30 minutes. If psycho-Suzie and her friend have beat me to it, I concede and use one of the older ellipticals or walk on the treadmill at a high incline. These are just as productive, but quite boring and usually have more of an impact on my knees. The close-captioning of ESPN, CNN or The View can be quite fun as whoever the person or machine is that's responsible for dictation flubbs a lot. So you're reading about about Ricky Williams' (NFL receiver) marriage wanna problem and latest bout with rehab. Even more fun is trying to make out the dialogue of the divas on The View when they're squabbling. I've always got time to scan the entire upper level hot bods and the latest progress of my locker room buddies.
Sweaty, tired, and feeling like I stuck the American flag on the moon, I proceed back to work to have my actual lunch. LOL :) My employer is quite gracious in allowing me to eat breakfast and lunch at my desk, don't you think? I usually eat rotisserie chicken breast and salad, or some sort of frozen entree. I'll occasionally eat a Nutrisystem entree. Depending on my gym attire of the day, I may or may not freshen up and get back into my work clothes (the luxury of being in an office where I don't see the public). Wearing my gym clothes for the rest of the day serves as a reminder that I'm winning the calorie-in/calorie-out war...and to not snack my way into a longer evening workout. It's also at this time that I try to have downed 32oz of water.
1pm to 5pm
A repeat of the morning and closing preparation to get all the crews up and running in the morning. Sometime 2:30 or after I'll have a pm snack. My favorite is a power crunch protein bar, or a container of "muscle milk." Least desirable is more yogurt and fruit or cottage cheese. I try to consume that second 32oz jug of water as well.
6pm to 8:30pm
Back in the gym for another round of cardio and some strength training. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays I work with weights, either in a class or on my own. It's so funny thinking about the whole club dynamic, and how you can be intimately acquainted with other people's fitness regimes but not know them personally. I'm a gym stalker! I watch, sometimes painfully, what others are doing and take all the good stuff and lessons learned, research them and incorporate them into my own gym life. Needless to say, I do not do all the grunting, peacock strutting, wear spandex two sizes too small, flaunt a sports bra ala Brandi Chastain as even some chubby chicks do...no such thing. No bandannas, no sweatbands - nothing. I make nice with all the trainers and gather as much free advice as possible, in suitable gym whore fashion. If it's Wednesday night I get a double dose of my favorites...a strength class followed by two hours of volleyball open play. Sigh.
Isn't it funny how there's the same sort of dynamic on the gym floor as there was in your high school lunch room? There's the popular clic, the geeks, the rejects, dropouts and druggies, the gym bunnies and their male counterparts (I refer to them as peacocks), the jocks, and all the wannabes who have no idea what the heck they're doing. There are the spinners, the runners, the pumpers, the boxers, the racquet ballers, the ballers (basketball), swimmers and wet bar whores (they don't actually work out, but come in and frequent the wet area - sauna, whirlpool and steam room), dancers, steppers, the crunchy-granola folks (pilates and yoga vets) and aerobic whores. Very similar to high school, at different points in time I envy certain groups for what they're able to accomplish with their bodies.
The culmination of the day is summed up best by a trip to the sauna, followed by the whirlpool. It's when sitting in the sauna that I reflect on why I subject my body to the rigors of working out multiple times a day, the progress I've made, and how much my life is changing. I flex muscles to remind me that this investment is paying off. I take part in the sauna community conversations - typically current events, and then when done I shower, dress and saunter my way out the door.
9:30pm
It's dinner time, and I eat it in front of the teli. I don't want to hear anything about eating and t.v. viewing...I've just spent the day offering my body as a living sacrifice and it's earned me some veg time. I'm usually gulping down a Nutrisystem entree, salad and steamed broccoli/squash meddly (yum). I eat my dessert shortly afterwards.
10-10:30pm
After having food for the body, I usually pick up a fitness magazine or my latest book interest and peruse it before going to bed (food for the soul). By this time the teli is now watching me, and I'm snoring shortly afterward. My daughter usually comes by for a good night peck (my 20 year old and I still hug and kiss each other good night) and turns it off for me. I usually whisper a prayer of thanksgiving to the Great One above, and I'm off to la-la land.
On Saturdays it's a 10am strength class and then a movie or errands when I can. I work in the church nursery for two services and then enjoy the night. On Sundays, in true Christian tradition...I have a day of rest (from the gym...lol). I attend service and lead a homegroup bible study twice per month.
When people ask me how I am and what I'm up to, I always say: work...gym...home...work...gym...church. It's pretty predictable. My former aqua aerobics instructor asked me what I did for fun, in which I replied...come here! She looked a little perplexed. On many days the gym is my "fun" time because I actually enjoy some of the workouts, but even moreso I enjoy doing something for me. I will not fail to mention the fact that she's probably 105lbs soaking wet and can't understand me at a sweltering 250 being of single-focus to get myself in better health.
Anywho, such is a day in the life of a confessed gym whore. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 8:26 AM |
|
|
|
| Monday, April 03, 2006 |
| One Glorious Pound |
Loosing an hour this weekend was a terrible experience (the horror, the horror). I normally go to church Sunday mornings at 7am for prayer, and then our first service is at 8am. To think I had to get up at 6am - which was really 5am due to the time change - was horrific...but I did it and managed to only be 15 minutes late...lol. Not surprisingly, most folks didn't make the 8am service and a few showed up at 9am wondering why our pastor was almost finished. That was funny. Anywho, I now manage to get a nap on Sunday afternoons (my family contends with me about using the word "nap" because I sleep anywhere from three to five hours), and yesterday's nap helped even things out.
Glory-be...I managed to squeak out a one pound loss last week. Hallelujah! I can't tell you the shock that read on my face because I was sure I'd be up at least five pounds. The conclusion I've drawn is that we all need a breather every so often - a time of mixing it up and confusing our bodies so they can let go of the pounds we've worked so hard to loose but haven't let go of. I was so grateful for the one pound loss that I marveled all weekend about it.
I haven't worn shorts outside in a very long time - passed all of last year wearing capris - but yesterday was different. I took a nice one mile stroll in our neighborhood park, which I would have continued had a thunderstorm not broke out. I felt a lot less self-conscious about the appearance of my legs than ever before. Later on that night while still in my grubby walking shorts I decided to examine and admire my new form. I couldn't believe how beautiful my legs are, and getting better every day (not once did I repent for the vanity of the moment...lol). They also appear longer which I suppose is do to the lengthening and strenthening of the muscles. My hamstrings and inner thighs could use some attention, but all in all I'm very impressed with the changes so far. I wrote before about the jiggly appearance of my thighs and can now see how much exercise helps. Sooner or later the surface fat goes out with the wash. I was very concerned about it before but am now confident that when I'm done I'll be pretty happy and toned. All this is very kewl right now when I needed a boost for the second leg of this weight loss journey.
I did a little window shopping at Chubby Chick USA yesterday and found that I'm really not interested in shopping there anymore. I went with the intention of purchasing clothes, but because my tastes have changed to reflect a more youthful, playful (I dare say "sexy") me, their inventory just didn't seem to be suitable anymore. I'm glad to be growing out of them and moving on.
I've found that in these years of my life, I can multi-task but much more enjoy being single-focused. My octopus years are over (I hope), and I'm wanting to have so much more control (discipline) in everything I do. Therefore I plan for the future. While this "weight-loss thing" is my sole focus right now and consumes me, I plan for "the" next thing. I'm hoping to line up things where I can go back to school next year and make a career change. I've been seriously considering nursing, which will help me on the mission field. We'll see about that, because after having random thoughts about crappy beds, decayed bodies and all kinds of substances oozing out of different parts of peoples bodies, I realized this needs a lot more consideration.
Happy Monday...onward to a great week! |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 8:26 AM |
|
|
|
|
|
