| Friday, September 30, 2005 |
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So yesterday I had enough gas to power a car! For the past week I've been eating more NS entrees and could tell the difference right away. In addition, I took two Chitosan tablets yesterday (as opposed to the usual one tablet I take). I wasn't sure if I needed to register myself with the government as a deadly weapon or not - but dang...I was dropping bombs! I don't think I'll be taking two anymore.
I'm slowly trying to switch from aspartame to stevia as a sweetner based on the conflicting research out there (I googled "artificial sweetners"). I have a family member presenting symptoms doctors say are consistent with MS and I don't want to be bothered with the question of it being safe. I'd rather consume more natural products. When I think about this stuff I think about Phillip Morris and how they on one hand manufacture cancer sticks, but on the other fund research and do all kinds of "anti" or educational campaigns. What an OXYMORON!!! Capitalism (sigh).
NSV for the day...
I'm wearing a pair of pants my sister gave me as a gift two years ago, but I was too chunky - okay...too fat for em'. The sad thing is, they're already baggy so I don't know if I'll be able to wear them for long. What a sweet Friday morning! I'm wondering...when will other people notice my clothes are hanging off me? LOL
My next project is to figure out how I can position myself so I don't have all kinds of extra skin and folds after I drop all these lbs. I don't have any weights at home and until I stop procrastinating and get some I've been doing arm work with two litre bottles - works quite nicely. I've found that a nice way to multi-task instead of being a couch potato. I can watch one of my favorite shows (Lost), or a football game (preferably the Falcons or Patriots) and do a workout right in front of the t.v. This replaces mindless eating nicely too!
I just got finished talking to my boss about a raise. I'm an office manager in a Christian owned, family-operated business with an owner and co-workers that I love. Somehow they've never conducted reviews or had a schedule for increases. I proposed one :o). I personally like having coaching and mentoring and my personality is purpose driven, so I have been making my own goals and soliciting my own feedback - driving myself. The conversation prompted a slew of ideas and before I knew it we'd come up with some new programs. Mo' money, mo' money!
This weekend should be a good one. The weather is finally cooling off and hopefully we'll get out to the North Georgia fair.
My favorite season, fall, is here. I like the thought of weight and hinderances falling off my body, being brought to death, that in the spring a new outgrowth will appear. Best said...
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
Off to observe the times... |
posted by heavenlydm @ 11:05 AM   |
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| Wednesday, September 28, 2005 |
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Scale report: -2lbs, 35lbs lost to date.
I've been wondering what the "normal" food thought life is for a person who's not overweight. I mean, I've had a love affair with food for so long...I'm constantly having to refocus my mental energy away from what I'm going to eat or things I can cook. I had a friend who was 100lbs soaking wet once tell me and my sister that she didn't think about (obsess is what she wanted to say) food like we do. At the time we were concerned about her lack of energy and frail frame. That was 10 years ago, and I never forgot it.
I don't really miss too many foods I use to eat, just having the option to eat them. There's a guy who comes by our office and brings dozens of Krispy Kreme donuts and Popeye's fried chicken with the fixens almost weekly. When I see it in the office I'm not even tempted. Yesterday I looked inside a box of Folks fried chicken in an as a matter of fact sort of way. Mouth didn't water, no envy...nothing. I didn't want it. Even in the supermarket I don't struggle with buying the right foods. However, I do struggle with "desert time" when I can't decide if I'll have low fat pringles, reduced fat cheese nips...whatever - and they're like Lays to me - who can eat just one (serving)? LOL The thought of dowsing my system with loads of carbs/sugar is sort of sickening at this point. What a nice place to be!
...and now for the "daughter report." Ya...she weighed in last night and lost another five lbs. Amazing. I asked her if she could see herself mentally at her goal weight, and she hasn't really thought about it. I'm so proud of her.
In other ramblings...last night at church a woman told me she was intimidated by me - looked over at me with big puppy dog eyes full of tears. My response was - what, little ol' me? LOL. I told her I could understand how she'd feel that way about the big black lady who cuts straight to the chase. If she knew me she'd know that, while I'm passionate about excellence and things being done right and in order, I'm also passionate about seeing people's hearts and people reaching their God-given potential. I knew my style - my confidence - was overwhelming in relation to her timidness and insecurity. In any case, it brought me right back to the "big, black, church lady" image. There's such a cross-cultural misconception about who I am in relation to what I look (and sound) like. In the meantime, I continue to be me and love diversity. I will not back down from the table because others are uncomfortable and I'm committed to dialogue until we have understanding (and can relate to one another). It was God's idea to put us all down here together :o). |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 2:32 PM |
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| Monday, September 26, 2005 |
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09/26/05
Last weekend I went camping for the first time. I was on a retreat for leaders from the inner-healing ministry I serve in, and was blessed inside and out to be able to rest. I took as much of my own food as I needed to substitute for the high cal/carb/fat stuff they had. Overall their food was pretty healthy, and I just needed to substitute breads and breakfast stuff. I was pretty happy with how easy it was to do it, and even managed to slip in a brisk walk for exercise. I noticed how I'm not tempted to eat "big ticket" cheating food like cake, cookies and the like. It's great to feel so strong and empowered.
The thing I wanted most out of the weekend was to come away feeling refreshed, and to let go of some of the unnamed anger I was carrying around. Honestly, I was getting angry or frustrated with most everyone and everything - does PMS last two weeks??? Anywho, I feel great today and my disposition has evened out (thank God). The highlight of the weekend was hearing a message someone shared on how we want to hide our weaknesses and pain, but God wants them out in the open surrendered to Him so His strength can be made perfect in them, therefore glorifying Him. (2 Cor 12:7-10) After the message our group confessed some of our struggles and weaknesses and were affirmed in our gifts and callings.
I've been thinking about my NS success and wondering how long it will take to get to my goal weight. Unlike others, I don't set mini-goals for myself so I haven't celebrated the small victories along the way - like finally being in the 200's again. That was HUGE for me. I'm wondering if shedding the weight will take with it some stereotypical reactions people have to me as a "big black woman?"...a "big, black church lady." Will I be a different person when I finally meet the man of God for me? I've just been thinking. I know that I'm different than I was 10 years ago, but can't imagine the person who's emerging from the weight loss.
In other news...my daughter continues to miraculously loose weight in spite of the days she falls off the wagon. I stare at her with envy every week at weigh-in time wondering how she accomplishes these amazing feats. God really loves her! I'm happy for her and at the same time have great concern that she conquers the poor eating habits and makes better choices. She is an adult, so I try to influence by the way I eat and live. Secretly I wish I could eat what she does and still loose weight...just being honest.
I've been reading a lot of good blogs from the NS community and feeding off their energy. I'm blessed that I can pull from others who I don't even know. The wonders of cyberspace... |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 4:00 PM |
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| Sunday, September 18, 2005 |
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Remember the freedom of being a child? The joy of simple things like taking a ride on a swing...how does that escape us??? I've noticed how necessary it is to embrace the child within me - AND NOT LET HER RULE!!!
The child within me is loves being carefree and wants to avoid responsibility (and pain) at all cost. She has the tendancy of looking over her shoulder in frustration about the past, wondering why God and others did not always protect, nuture, and constantly spoil her (substitute your own words - any will do). She doesn't want to experience any of the pain again - avoids it at all costs and closes her heart to certain people, situations and experiences. She just wants to be safe, secure and...free of worry or fear. She lives for the re-emergence of the previous joyful or simple times. To escape the pain and frustration of the then and the emotional toll of the now, she hides behind food. She has learned to express herself and pamper herself with food. However, she cannot be in control. She doesn't see life through a balanced lense. She is afterall, a child.
We all have a child within that, for whatever reason, needs to be reconciled with the truth. Our childhood years could have been different. Our parents could have done this or that better. We could have chosen different paths, friends, relationships, wives/husbands, schools, careers, geographic locations, etc. Whatever. Everything could have been different. But it wasn't. So now what??? Forgive. Forgive them all. Forgive yourself. Forgive God - not that He needs to be forgiven...but I need to forgive Him so I can let it go. Embrace that child within. Identify with the joys, triumphs, pains and disappointments and....give them over to the Lord. He can deal with these things in us and restore our souls. For me today that means saying...there is enough food to go around. I don't have to hurry and eat so I can get seconds before my siblings gulp them down. The provision is there, and I can enjoy my food in the right portions without binging. Food is not my god. My stomach does not rule my life. Jesus is my Lord. God help me deal with this, or understand that. Help Jesus!
When the inner child is embraced, loved and accepted, hugged, affirmed and acknowledged - we are able to assimilate that in our adult soul. We can thrive. The inner is not screaming for attention any longer. Through Jesus our past can be reconciled with the cross and no longer have power over us. We can be who we were meant to be, whole and entire. I am not two people (or more...lol).
I am Diane, and life is good. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 12:05 PM |
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