| Monday, May 22, 2006 |
| Living Like There's no Tomorrow |
I had an unoriginal epiphany while watching a sappy Queen Latifah romantic comedy Last Holiday yesterday: live today like there's no tomorrow. The main character is diagnosed with some fatal disease and given three weeks to live. From that point forward she lived like there was no tomorrow which basically for her meant putting aside all of her fears and pursuing tomorrow's dreams today.
When we hear the phrase living like there's no tomorrow it usually has a negative connotation - living to the excess. But I started thinking, if I could eat like there was no tomorrow every day, that would mean I'd be as close to 100% as possible - not thinking I would eat and work things off the next day. I would think about the consequences of my actions today in light of how they will affect me today. I'd ask myself questions like: should I eat more of this knowing it may take me over my caloric intake for the day, make me feel sluggish, interrupt my regularity or take me to the opposite extreme (the laxative effect of those daggone sugar-free candies when you eat enough...I know - T.M.I)? I'd be spared the task. I'd like to think I'd nourish me for today, one meal at a time.
On the relationship front, I'd handle my business in such a way that there wouldn't be any loose ends. I'd be held to a higher standard to love more openly, forgive more quickly, and be more generous. My goal in life is to bounce my last check...give away every earthly thing I have because I won't be able to take it with me when I die. I'd live today in such a way to demonstrate the legacy I want to leave behind, not taking anything for granted in uncompromised integrity. I'd make sure those I love know I love them, and give them my utmost attention and respect - giving them their flowers while they're alive.
I thought about all of the things I see as hinderances to me doing things I want to do, being who I want to be, or going where I want to go...and thought - this is ridiculous. My mindset is keeping me captive and I must break free. I think people make a lot of their own obstacles in the form of excuses. Perspective.
Lastly, I'd constantly be true to myself. I loved how this character was herself at all times, never trying to be anyone else or doing things to fit in. Her personal truth was refreshing in light of the pretentiousness of others. My personal mantra continues to be "I have nothing to prove" - though at times I have to say it more loudly to myself.
We all have a choice: embrace life today or put it off until the perennial tomorrow (when I'm thinner, healthier, more successful, more ________(fill in the blank). I'm choosing today. |
posted by heavenlydm @ 1:55 PM   |
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| Friday, May 19, 2006 |
| Always count your change |
Change, change and more change...change...and more change...ughhhhh...change.
Does anybody have any change?
Does anybody want some change?
'Cause I've got some spare change - change to spare.
Jingling change.
My body is changing and the changes are changing me,
And the change that's changing me - is changing me.
My life is changing.
Ugh. I'm tired. I'm tired of change.
It's everywhere, I mean everywhere.
Everywhere I look, there's change.
And dang...while this merry-go-round goes round and round,
My head is twirling and spinning and I'm longing for the ground,
Some ground that's not moving,
A place that's not changing,
A place I can rest from the change and the changes that the change has changed.
Things change.
Things have changed.
I have changed.
I'm being changed.
Can I get a witness?
Things are changing.
I sit and sigh and wonder why I sit on this familiar peak, looking out at orange oceans and fuscia skys wondering what world I'm in.
I mean, when did I sign up for this alternate universe?
Who said change?
I think I signed up for "different"...but the receipt I got said "change."
And I ask...now who ordered that???
As I count my change my perpective takes a spin,
And as I look at the body I'm in,
Things get complicated...
As my body wrestles with my soul and the issues of ol',
Things begin to subside.
Well why the round and round then?
Because I've started a new life,
I chose this one instead of going under the knife,
There's no haste, only daily death,
Death to the old ways, the end of my love affair with Lays...
No more rendez-vous with the closest drive thru,
I have a new love and I'm singing the NS blues.
Saying out with the old, in with the new.
As the old me shrinks down and dies,
Before the new me emerges my heart cries and cries...
I stare Change in the face and yell...stop - right here - no more...Change!
But I can't.
That's not what I asked for.
I signed up for "different," wanting a better life.
I didn't know I'd answered a proposal, yes Change, I'll be your wife.
And so it is. I've committed to change. I'm married to change.
I am Mrs. Change.
The honeymoon is over.
I love and hate....change. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 1:50 PM |
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| Monday, May 15, 2006 |
| The merry month of May |
It was a delightful weekend full of rest, relaxation and lots of laughs. For the first time I can remember, Mother's Day and my daughter's birthday didn't fall on the same weekend/day and I didn't have to take a back seat. Yeah for me :). I received a beautiful card, sugarfree candy and gift certificate. I was quite gassy last night from having eaten so many gummy worms and bears - my favorites.
Life is very different now that my daughter now has her driver's license and car on the road, so I'm out and about alone. I'm at the beginning stages of empty nest syndrome - even though she still lives with me (and says she will forever - URGH! LOL). That had me thinking about my chauffeur schedule being retired, and the time I'll have to do other things (with other people). I'm acutely aware that I have an opportunity to get a life :). What my daughter and I both realized was how blessed we are that we like each other. So many kids at her age are desperately trying to get as far away from their parents as possible, and we're actually great friends. I do try to help her understand that she will desire to have her own life and family one day - without me living in the in-laws suite as she suggests. I suppose this is the result of only having one child and nursing her...lol.
On the food front I had a good week (minus yesterday). My body is still evolving and I'm happy with the changes. One thing I noticed is the illusion that I have a waist now, which has come about because of shaping up my chest and shoulders. This process of reshaping the body has its ups and downs - downs because from day to day, week to week, your body just keeps morphing. Ups because things eventually settle down, or at least stay long enough for you to get a glimpse of your potential outcome. I now enjoy taking strength classes and watching my muscle forms as I lift, flex and extend. Sometimes it's a "wowing" experience. There's so much to look forward to.
I need to do an official weigh in at some point...haven't checked in for two weeks now.
NSV highlight of the week: Friday night I was in the nursery at church and someone I hadn't seen for a long time cornered me, and almost in embarassment asked me if I'd lost weight. I replied yes. She then drew in closer and whispered...a lot of weight? I'm like, yes. She was like, wow, you look great. She then asked me how I did it. I love telling people about the grace of God to eat right and exercise. Her reaction was so funny to me. I suppose she could have thought it may have been from sickness or having it surgically removed or something...lol. The compliments keep coming, and I'm so much better able to take them now. In fact, they inspire me to keep going.
Here are some pics I took with my daughter and sister on their collective birthday weekend.
Happy Monday! |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 8:20 AM |
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| Tuesday, May 09, 2006 |
| Weekend Off Plan |
Last weekend I went way off the beaten path (missed five days at the gym and ate things I usually wouldn't) and enjoyed my daughter's birthday party, and my sister's birthday two days later. It was nice to be free to do that without feeling like a failure or a bad person. I gave myself a pass, and now I'm back on plan. The party was a great success Friday night. I had the most fun hosting "Let's Make a Deal." I had several adults say they'd love for me to give them a party, and the younger folk say how much they enjoyed themselves. In fact, it was such a hit that the word passed around church. Most importantly, my daughter had fun. Yay, that's over now...whew!
I'm now having to reckon with hair loss, and it's not making me feel great. My hair is one of my favorite things I like, and it was already thinning with age. Over the past few months I've seen a noticeable difference in how much I'm loosing, so much so that I'm thinking of giving up chemical relaxers and going natural (a big deal for colored folks). I thought I was going to be an exception and not have to deal with this by-product of weight loss....sigh. There are so many little things like this that are tied into our identity and how we perceive ourselves. Who'd have thought it would be such a big deal? It is to me. Would I trade a few hairs for losing weight? Absolutely...lol. |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 1:21 PM |
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| Thursday, May 04, 2006 |
| Status Quo |
I've been thoroughly consumed in 21st birthday party planning, so I've been maintaining status quo. I've been working out because I've had to with the stress of this week...endorphins are my friend. I don't know how people regularly entertain. There are so many details to take care of. Today I'm finally to the point where the stress has moved to excitement...you only turn 21 once.
Remember 21???
I replaced my fake ID I used since I was 19 with a real one.
I was at the local club at least three nights a week and was quite promiscuous.
I worked and was in school.
I had a two year old who was in her terrible two's.
My daughter's dad died.
I was lost in my ideals...why couldn't we all get along?
I was an instrument tech in a hospital o.r.
I hated school.
I was about a size 20, athletic with beautiful skin, a great smile, flat stomach and perky twins.
I was very angry about a lot of things.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
| | When I was 21....Big News Headlines of 1987 Wall Street crashes sending the Dow Jones Industrial Average plummeting a record 508 points-22.6%. President Reagan and Soviet Leader Gorbachev meet in Washington and sign an unprecedented missile reduction agreement. Televangelist Jim Bakker resigns amid accusations of sexual infidelity and financial impropriety. Wall Street financier Ivan Boesky is sentenced to three years in prison in an insider-trading scandal. Gary Hart withdraws from the 1988 presidential campaign under accusations of infidelity. |
| | | | | Sports Champions of 1987 MLB - Minnesota Twins
NFL - New York Giants
NBA - Los Angeles Lakers
NHL - Edmonton Oilers | | | Grammy Award Winners in 1987 Record of the Year - "Graceland" by Paul Simon
Album of the Year - "The Joshua Tree" by U2
Song of the Year - "Somewhere Out There" by L.Ronstadt & J.Ingram | | |
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| | | | Movie Award Winners in 1987 Best Picture - The Last Emperor
Best Director - Bernardo Bertolucci for “The Last Emperor”
Best Actress - Cher in “Moonstruck”
Best Actor - Michael Douglas in “Wall Street” | | | Top Grossing Movies of 1987 #1 Three Men and a Baby
#2 Fatal Attraction
#3 Beverly Hills Cop 2
#4 Good Morning, Vietnam
#5 Moonstruck | | |
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| #1 Hits of 1987 (USA Pop Charts) | Song Title | Artist/Group | | I Think We're Alone Now | Tiffany | | Shake You Down | Gregory Abbott | | Always | Atlantic Starr | | Livin' on a Prayer | Bon Jovi | | Jacob's Ladder | Huey Lewis & The News | | (I've Had) The Time of my Life | Bill Medley w/Jennifer Warnes | | Lean on Me | Club Nouveau | | (I Just) Died in Your Arms | Cutting Crew | | I Knew You Were Waiting (for me) | Aretha Franklin w/George Michael | | La Bamba | Los Lobos | | Open Your Heart | Madonna | | Who's That Girl | Madonna | | Mony Mony (live) | Billy Idol | | Bad | Michael Jackson | | I Just Can't Stop Loving You | Michael Jackson w/Siedah Garrett | | Nothing's Gonna Stop us Now | Starship | | Faith | George Michael | | Alone | Heart | | Head to Toe | Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam | | Lost in Emotion | Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam | | Shakedown | Bob Segar & the Silver Bullet Band | | I Wanna Dance With Somebody (who loves me) | Whitney Houston | | Didn't We Almost Have it All | Whitney Houston | | Here I Go Again | Whitesnake | | You Keep Me Hanging On | Kim Wilde | | With or Without You | U2 | | I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For | U2 | | At This Moment | Billy Vera and the Beaters | | Heaven is a Place on Earth | Belinda Carlisle | | | |
| posted by heavenlydm @ 9:07 AM |
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