| Wednesday, March 29, 2006 |
| What to say??? |
What do you say when you don't have anything to say. I suppose just that. I'm still pressing through on the scale but seeing marvelous results off the scale. I weigh myself a lot less these days feeling like I have a lot of grace right now and I won't let the scale rule me. I'll take the NSV's just the same.
(Warning...PMS rant) I hit an emotional wall. It's been difficult adjusting to moving through sizes in clothes and not having the range of wardrobe or appropriate sizes now. Yes, I'm back here again. It took me a long time and a lot of shopping trips to build the wardrobe I just passed on to my sister. I loved my clothes. Now having to rebuild with the likelyhood I won't be in any particular size for very long is a difficult transition to make - even though the long-term prognosis is good. I never would have thought this one area would affect me so much, and I'm grateful that the places I go I'm not required to have a fancy wardrobe. I just miss the versatility. I don't think buying new clothes is the answer either...it's moreso the confidence and comfort I had with my old wardrobe. Clothes don't make the woman but I lost a part of me in them. Weird, huh? I just never mentally prepared for this place and had no idea it would affect my self-esteem so much. Just so we're clear...this is not being upset because my clothes don't fit and I need to buy new ones...it's upsetting that I keep having to do it and buy lower quality because I won't be in them so long...and IT'S CHANGE FOR GOD'S SAKE! My life is changing and it's to the point now that the changes are catching up with me. All this dampered my motivation and discipline - I think subconsciously I did a little self-sabotage so I could have a breather for a week or so. I've recognized, and, with seeing the progress of some neat people who are roughing it out ( Bob, Tressa, and Karon...reading your recent posts inspired me), I've had a chance to evaluate things and move on. It was temporary - now the good foot is forward.
It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood. Yeah. I had a hokey disposition for some reason this morning, I think from hormones and carbs. I had a crazy dream last night (traumatizing) and it took a while to recover. I witnessed somebody I knew (but don't know in real life) fall four stories from a building, and I was able to see him later in life...as a crackhead. I cried about both things. It was awful. Then, while looking at this guy coming from a crackhouse, bullets were flying all over the place and lots of people got shot. I was traumatized by that. It was quite a dousy. By the time all my dreaming was done I had gone into the attic area of a dim mom and pop grocery store and fell through part of the ceiling (been there, done that already...lol). Jeesh...it was a difficult night. I felt like I slept for more time than I actually did. The night before I dreamed my mom got $5000 dollars (won???). That was a lot nicer :). That was quite a bit much to start the day off with.
I just want to take a moment (the flipside of my previous PMS moment) to let you guys know how much your support, encouragement, and sharing through your blogs has helped me get where I am, and reassures me that I can go on and will achieve my goal one day. Thanks to all.
P.S...if you're wondering what happened to the pretty floral template (that I loved so much), I just couldn't figure out all the HTML modifications to make and it drove me bonkers. Even with this new one...much of the text is in a foreign language (LOL!). Such is the life of blog-template-hopping, I suppose. |
posted by heavenlydm @ 2:21 PM   |
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| 6 Comments: |
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i like the template!!!! stay strong & you've got this! you CAN do what you put your MIND to!
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Excuse me for a moment, but that new photo is FABULOUS! You look so small! I totally understand your issues with giving your nice old clothes away and having to sacrifice quality for a temporary size. That is difficult to do. I was wearing my size 10's until I was a 4! I just couldn't bear to get rid of my clothes. I totally understand. You're doing great, and you are both motivational and inspirational to all of us.
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Tressa: i like the template too :). Thanks for the admonition to stay strong.
Emily: Thanks. I'm diggin your new shot as well. I was floored when I read you wore those 10's throughout your loss. I can't even imagine.
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I also like this new template. The setup of the other one threw me off a bit. And I said somewhere, maybe in my comment area of my own blog, that I LOVE the new photo of you!
Just keep going honey. We all have our days. I either really go on a tear or just shut up when mine are happening. If I go on a tear, you know it. If I'm silent, it's either been a bad day (hearing that song from American Idol when they send someone home in my head now) or I really have nothing to say!
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Karon, Krista...thanks for the comments. I suppose if I'd actually thought about it I could have looked head on (not like I need a V-8) :)
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